While non-parents may be horrified, I consider beating the crap out of my kids on an almost daily basis. One is hitting puberty and thinks that not only his snotty attitude is actually “comedic” but that I am his personal assistant. The other one chucks his teeth when asked to do homework, constantly leaves my basement floor full of lego pieces which I invariably step on EVERY DAY.  Ever step on a lego barefoot???? They are lucky they have not yet been maimed.

We had a particularly rough night with Ginger (Matt has auburn hair) and his inability to focus on anything but the opposite sex.

To make matters worse, Ginger and I missed the bus this morning.  So now I have to drive him all the way up to Kellenberg…in traffic.  If you live on Long Island, the parkways are a disaster from 7 am on.  I also had to wake up Ran who was not very happy about the situation.  He demanded that I go away and leave him home.  I can’t do that – he is 9. So, slow as molasses, he eats breakfast and gets dressed. Now the drive to Kellenberg has turned into a game of “Beat the Clock” and I am careening around corners and flying up the Meadowbrook.  If he is “tardy”, they give detention and I was damned if I was gonna traipse up there again today! Ginger fished a pieces of loose leaf and a pen out of his backpack so I could draft a note on the fly if we were going to be late.  Thankfully, we pulled into the parking lot in the nick of time and I shoved him out the door (I did come to a stop first).  Ryan and I got home rather quickly, I got his lunch together and took him to Meadow.

When I got back in my truck to go home and turn myself into a human being, I found this on the car seat:

Now I’m gonna have to bake brownies or something. Dagnamit!!!!!